“3. When one partner has a way of arguing (generally anger or avoidance) that makes it impossible to discuss the actual content of an issue, and pretty soon couples are arguing about the way they argue and never getting to the actual issues.” —Ian Kerner, a couples and sex therapist, told BuzzFeed —Nicholas Hardy, a psychotherapist from Texas, via AskMen “2. Extreme core perspectives: Partners who have two completely different core beliefs and morals, such as two completely different religions, political views, or moral beliefs, may find it challenging to build a life story together. Eventually, one or the other partner will have to compromise his/her belief system, which may lead to resentments and regrets. “3: Conflicting life goals: Partners who have conflicting life goals usually have a challenging time finding a mutually beneficial compromise. For example, if one partner envisions a life of travel without long-term commitments, while the other seeks security through the building of a home and starting a family, it may be difficult for these two to find a happy medium to sustain the relationship. “4: Different perspectives on life commitments: It is important for partners to have conversations about their ideals for the relationship while dating. Conversations about whether they want marriage or children is very important as these are usually desires that rarely change over time. Not having these conversations can lead to resentments in one partner about having wasted time with someone who did not have the same intentions.” —Mercedes Coffman, a licensed marriage and family therapist in California, told BuzzFeed “2. Activating threat systems: What I often see working with couples is a consistent pattern of triggering each other’s threat system (fight, flight, freeze, or fawn). Our goal as a therapist is to help couples cultivate a secure functioning relationship. When couples are persistently operating from their defenses, secure functioning is often absent. Couples who are unable or unwilling to recognize why and how their defenses come up often leads to the end of a relationship. “3. Feelings of disdain: A first sign that indicates a relationship won’t last is when feelings of disdain are present. This indicates the loss of respect, empathy, and affection, three important aspects of relationships that last. “4. Lack of curiosity: When I see couples who are not curious about another, this is a sign the relationship won’t last. It is so important to be curious about your partner’s thoughts, feelings, emotions, and the drive behind them. Lacking curiosity is devoid of knowing your partner at a deeper level, which leads to a superficial relationship.” —Tina Marie Del Rosario, MSW, LCSW, a licensed therapist and founder of Healing Collective Therapy Group, told BuzzFeed —Elle Hawkins, LCSW, a sex and relationship therapist, told BuzzFeed “Again, non-monogamy can and does work, but not usually when it’s being used to solve a problem and there isn’t a historic precedent in the relationship for pursuing non-monogamy, or the desire is coming from a place of frustration or pent-up anger. Harder to become non-monogamous when you signed up for a monogamous relationship and/or the stated interest in non-monogamy was tabled for later.” —Ian Kerner —kaylaeve123 “The key is whether or not couples are willing to adopt new ways of relating. If they are, most choose to stay together.” —Winifred Reilly, MFT, via Quora —Caroline Madden, a marriage and family therapist and author of How to Go from Soul Mates to Roommates in 10 Easy Steps, via HuffPost
